When Innocence Fell Over
by The Stupendous Jimbo
Summary: When the Smashers find out thieves are wandering the Smash Mansion at night, it's up to a ragtag team of heroes to solve the mystery behind the culprits before the Smashers find themselves in major trouble...By the way that's not what the story's about...


**When Innocence Fell Over**

One day the Smashers were lying around the mansion, completely bored out of their minds. Given the circumstances that the author is using the same scenario for the introduction as nearly all of the stories it should be noted that this part is completely unimportant and has no relativity towards the story. It should also be noted that while the topic of irrelevant information is being covered, did you know that Ryan Reynolds was awarded the title "Sexiest Man alive?" What? You don't know who he is? Oh don't worry, he's just some lame actor dude…Oh, you do know who he is…You are a teenager, you say…I see, my mistake. It should be noted that the author feels awfully foolish at the moment; therefore the story shall henceforth move on. This is the part where Master Hand and Crazy Hand enter the scene to make an important announcement that will most likely portray the thesis of this story.

"Guys, we have an announcement…Again…"

Yes, even the hands were getting a little fed up with the overused cliché of being used as pawns to alleviate the story.

"Let me guess," one of the Smashers who shall be portrayed as the smart-alecky person nobody likes because they wield the uncanny ability of breaking the fourth wall, "we're getting newcomers."

To the know-it-all's much surprise that certainly was not the case. Not at the least! This was a relief for the flabbergast Smasher, for now they won't have to deal with anymore characters who's only role was to make money for those affiliated with Nintendo Corp. The Smashers would generally refer to these bloody little thieves as third-party additions, and like all third-party additions, they were not very friendly…According to the author's interpretation of the story, but that shall be covered later. Note this literary device being hinted towards the audience that it was mentioned the third-party contenders were jerks. This is what authors usually refer to as subtle messages. Whenever an author portrays a character as somebody they're not, then it's either a parody or a message.

"Remember that time when Snake, the nicest character we've ever received from Nintendo installed those high quality security cameras?" Master Hand asked, which proved he is going to either be the incompetent character of the story, or that the previous paragraph was a waste of time to even write. But if it helps, remember that as much as writers enjoy writing, nothing's more painful than deleting many paragraphs – or even pages of work because something did not work out…Just remember that…

"Yeah, how'd that work out," asked Fox, who was obviously intrigued by the question. Otherwise he would not have asked.

"Well turns out the speculation we received from Sonic was correct and that there are indeed shady figures roaming the courtyard at night. We're suspecting that these cloaked characters loom the mansion at night with the intent of committing malicious acts. We would have never been able to identify these unscrupulous people had it not been for the kindness of our third-party contenders."

Because Master Hand just gave relentless praise to the third-party contenders, and the author went out of his way to reveal the plot devices being used within the story, and even mentioning that writing multiple paragraphs of work and later deleting it was a pain, it is now safe to assume who the idiot of the story is.

"So who are these shady figures," Marth asked, "and how come you're coming off as if this has been an every day occurrence when the shady figures are now being introduced?"

"Because the next paragraph shall explain everything!"

For the past couple of weeks there have been numerous reports of two shady figures looming the Smash Mansion at night, doing God knows what. Master Hand figured since God knew what they were doing he would pray to Him for answers. Unfortunately Master Hand realized introducing God into the story would raise controversy and possibly a war between religions, which would be the last thing the author would ever want to employ. Therefore the whole last paragraph shall be omitted. The author is currently feeling irritated, thus proving the pains of deleting a paragraph of work. Setting digressions aside, the Hands had no idea what the figures were doing until Crazy Hand noticed one of them picking up a valuable piece of property, as Captain Falcon referred to the keys to the car, and placing it into their cloak. After a week of observing these sly little thieves they knew instantly that action must be taken swiftly…Which is why they waited a week before finally bringing this up to the rest of the Smashers.

"Alright, we found out that there are two figures roaming around at night stealing things, so we've come up with this three step strategy on how to put this to a stop immediately," Master Hand said with a hint of authority in his voice…As if he had any… "Step one; we raise our security in the daytime."

"Why?" Fox asked.

"Because we're guessing if the shady figures start to realizing we found out they were stealing in the middle of the night, they'll expect us to put out a night watch, therefore it is my guess that they'll start stealing in the middle of the day."

Did I mention Master Hand was an idiot? Hmm…Who else do I want to involve in the story…Aha! So Yoshi raised a perplexed eyebrow and, with the sophistication of a human being, questioned the reasoning behind Master Hand's umm…Reasoning?

The author is currently writing at 12 in the morning and therefore must retire to bed in order to go to work in the morning. The story shall continue whenever the author is fully refreshed and wields a more diverse vocabulary in order to portray the intense action sequence soon to occur.

Alrighty, now where was I? Hmm…Wait a second, intense action sequence? By golly I'm a pacifist, I don't condone physical violence of any sort! Right, well before I lose track, let's skip to step two.

"Step two; once the figures steal something in the middle of the day, we catch them!"

Setting all puns aside, the Pokemon Trainer started getting excited at the thought of catching two dirty little thieves in the middle of the day. "Alright! And what do we do when we catch them?"

"Move on to step three…Ask them not to do it again…"

There was a sudden abrupt pause. The room filled with overwhelmed anxiety merged with a hint of confusion. "So what do you guys think?"

Think…Ahhh yes, the most promenading ability composed by the human brain. Now before we move on, the author would like to enlighten the eager reader who has not clicked the back button on a little helpful information on how the human brain learns. The brain weighs about three pounds and is composed of trillions of cells. About 100 billion of them are neurons, and here's where much of our learning takes place. When a potential learning experience occurs (such as reading this sentence), some neurons send out spikes of electrical activity. This activity causes nearby neurons to do the same. When a group of neurons fire together, they form what is called a "neural network". Now here's where it gets interesting, if you continuously stimulate the neuron networks in your brain, you tend to process information at a much higher rate, and eventually you'll create memory traces, which helps the human brain memorize things. Now if the neuron networks are stimulated only once a week, you'll create weak networks which won't be able to withhold much information, as opposed to firing the networks up three times a week.

Now the reader is possibly wondering why in the world the author is even revealing this information. Aside from the fascinating wonders of how our brains work, this information is vital because the neuron networks are also parallel to how we think. So what does this have to do with the story? Wellll….Imagine it this way…Say you spend three months building your body up to become strong…Then you spend a week eating junk food and sitting around doing nothing, what happens? If you're like the author than your body probably does nothing due to being blessed with a high metabolism system, otherwise you're most likely to gain weight, and possibly lose a good majority of the results you worked so hard to achieve. Now take this metaphore into the neural networks, and imagine spending three months learning about quantum physics and the theory behind it…then you spend a week playing Call of Duty…The next day are you going to memorize the components of Relativity and Quantum Mechanics, or are you going to recall that one time when the Tomahawk ricochet off the wall, bounced off the ground, and killed the enemy RCFD?

Now take _that _metaphor and apply it to the story…How many neuron networks do you think just died the moment Master Hand even considered the idea of installing a daytime watch, catching two thieves, and asking them to stop? Exactly, I rest my case!

Captain Falcon however wasn't too keen on the idea. "Wait, we can't just politely ask them to stop!"

"Well what do you expect? Beat them to a bloody pulp?"

He raised a percipient finger, "Welll…"

Suddenly Captain Falcon began to hearken back on the days when he had to take anger management classes due to a domestic dispute case involving Peach…Before you ask, yes, that was indeed a story reference linked with shameless self promotion…And yes, it was epic… "Nevermind…"

"Why can't we just smash them up? After all, we _are _the Super Smash Bros…" Ironically enough Zelda was the one who mentioned that.

For the first time as we all know it, Master Hand brought up a pretty good point. "Well you see if we end up hitting them then they have the potential to sue us."

"…Come again?"

"According to the laws any offender who makes contact with another with the intent of harm in any way, shape, or form, will be held accountable for charges of assault. Therefore if we were to strike at one of these thieves we would most likely have to deal with a lawsuit and quite frankly, given my stature, I'm pretty sure I'm not quite fit for court…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well let's be honest, say you were on the jury, and the defendant is being charged with assault against someone. Now tell me, what are you going to think the moment you find out the suspect is a giant, white floating glove?"

And that's when Marth decided to make the comment which will explain why he's going to be the antagonist in my upcoming drama, "Let the Lions Fight the Lions".

"Umm, it's time to d-d, d, d – d-d-d-d-d-d-dual?"

And then everybody in the whole fucking story laughed…Really…Fucking…Hard…

Note: apologies go towards those who were anticipating a G rated fic. Sorry, but the F bomb was eventually gonna be dropped…Predominantly!

"Well what makes you think the shady figures will actually file a lawsuit against us?"

This time Crazy Hand had the answer to that. "We were created by Nintendo, what do you think?" The sudden exasperated gasps throughout the crowd clearly indicated that _that _was definitely low. "Look, I'm sorry for throwing punches at an old wound but seriously, we're affiliated with a corporation that practically walks around with a giant "Sue Me" sticker on their back – and I'm not talking about the Chinese lady, either!"

Setting all puns aside, the Smasher knew Crazy Hand had a point, and something must be done about this issue. When the miniature press conference was over, Mario, Fox, Zelda, not Marth, Yoshi, Captain Falcon, and definitely not Marth all met up in a corner in some unmentioned room of the Manor. Why? Because the author gave up describing the Smash Manor a loooong time ago the moment Hoogiman dedicated a website to it. Anyways within this meeting that Marth was definitely not invited to, they all began discussing tactics on how to capture the two thieves and make them pay.

"Before we go into this, how do you propose we do this?" Zelda asked.

Fox rubbed his chin and mumbled a small "Hmm..." before looking at Captain Falcon. "What do you think?"

"I think the accent is a little much, considering the situation."

"But Mario's accent is the key element to portraying his character," Fox retorted.

Yeah, that's right, the five characters, excluding Marth, were actually debating whether Mario should have an Italian accent of not.

"But accents are a pain to write."

"It's not like you're writing the bloody story!"

"But still…Hmm…Yoshi, what do you think?"

"Yoshi!"

"Oh no, we're not playing the canon game, just tell us what you think and we can all go along with your decision."

Suddenly Yoshi popped out an egg. The four stared at him with wide-eyed expressions on their faces. Never had they experienced such an irrelevant joke involved in such a depth defying piece of literature. "Okay," Fox decided, "that's it. Yoshi. Out! Marth, get in here!"

"Sweet! I play a role yet again!"

It was then decided Mario should not have his accent. After that little dispute, the real discussion began. "Alright, so who do you think the thieves are?"

"Hmm…Who among us pride themselves as a thief…?" Marth asked.

"Well we've got Wolf…"

"Of course Fox brings him up…"

"Shut up, Captain Falcon!"

"Psh, whatever…"

"Alright who do you think did it?"

"Well I'd say Peach, but I taught her a lesson she'll never forget!" He silently chuckled to himself as he enjoyed yet another shameless self promotion act.

Mario glanced around at the group. "Well…It depends, really…Kirby eats things, the villains are natural born thieves, Wario's just plain weird…And then there's Meta Knight…"

"And what did he steal?"

"Our dignity…" Everybody looked at him with a funny look. "What? Never played a good Meta Knight player? Believe me you don't know rape until you play one!"

They all shuddered as they recalled their very own encounter with the SSBB caped crusader. Suddenly Fox had a thought. "Wait a second…Snake!"

"Huh?"

"Snake! What about him?"

Captain Falcon rubbed his chin. "What makes you think Snake did it?"

"He's from Sony."

"And?"

"Don't you get it? Being allowed to enter the Super Smash Bros. would mean that Nintendo would have to pay tariffs and licensing fees to Sony! And also at one point Nintendo owned the rights to Solid Snake before Sony bought him out!"

Suddenly an epiphany hit Marth. "That's right! With Snake entering the tournament, this presents another opportunity for Sony to steal more money from Nintendo! After all, where else would they make their profit?"

Zelda tilted her head to the side, something didn't seem quite right. "Hey wait a second, if Snake is one of the thieves, than how come he installed the high quality video cameras into the mansion for everybody to see? Wouldn't that be counterintuitive to steal right in front of the camera?"

"But you forgot one point, Zelda. Snake installed Sony made cameras, therefore making them nearly impossible to figure out," Fox said.

"And also the cameras were very expensive, just like all Sony equipment," Mario added, "therefore making Nintendo fork even more money over to those greedy bastards."

It was then that Zelda finally caught on to something. "Wait a second…What about the other thief?"

They all paused, wondering to themselves who would follow somebody affiliated with such a back water company. Many thoughts began to follow through their head, such as the person with Snake would have to be a horrible thief as well, but also lack dignity in all that is holy. Also the accomplice would have to be just as greedy for a quick profit, have a bad reputation, and overall swim in a sea of disappointment.

The answer suddenly hit them all at once.

"Sonic!"

"Of course!"

"But why in the world would Sonic mention to the Hands that there were cloaked figures roaming around the mansion? I mean why would he just sell Snake out?"

"He's from Sega; it's what they do best!"

"Right!"

They all jumped with excitement, finally discovering the low lives of the tournament. Of course, ironically speaking the author _did _portray in the beginning of the story that the third party contenders were in fact unfriendly…But the again, irony probably isn't the right word…Perhaps foreshadowing would be a better one to use…

Zelda suddenly felt enraged. "Those scumbags! Why would they steal from us?"

Captain Falcon glanced over at her. "As mentioned earlier, it's what they do best. In fact, most likely Snake paid Sonic off into joining him to purge the Manor of all that is valuable and original…But what did they intend to do with the original content?"

Mario stood up and pointed towards the door. "How about we confront them?"

"But how do we fight them? I mean what could we possibly use against the dirtiest set of characters ever to walk the earth?"

Fox grinned and looked at the others. "Guys, I have an idea!"

That night, while everybody was resting, the two cloaked figures silently lurched throughout the mansion in hopes for values until the five unanimously nominated heroes of the story showed up to save the day…Yes, I'm fully aware it's night time, but somewhere in the world it's day!

"Stop," Fox cried out.

"In the name of love!"

Everybody gave Zelda an awkward stare. "…Huh…?"

Zelda than proceeded to explain the deep symbolism behind her modest quote of an overrated song, explaining that if they were all to get busted in the middle of the night than at least they would now have a reasonable alibi. Of course, the good majority of the characters present in the room didn't understand how telling the Hands "It was in the name of love!" would even come remotely close to explaining the reason they were wandering the mansion in the middle of the night, but it was definitely agreed that the reaction would be nothing short of priceless. She than decided to explain to the hooded thieves that even if they file a lawsuit against them, they were never gonna give them up, never gonna let them down, never gonna run around….And….Wait a second…GOD DAMMIT!

Fox scowled. "Is it me, or does the tone of this story seem different than the others?"

One of the hooded figures took off his cloak and revealed himself to be none other than Sonic the Hedgehog. He then leaned in towards Fox. "The author of the story got scorned by a thirteen year old little girl…"

Everybody suddenly shot their attention towards the little bastard who just lived up to Sega's reputation of being a sellout. "Wait a sec, what?"

"Yeah, the thirteen year old got onto him for not being funny like he used to be, and told him to be funny again. The author than took a long look at his most recent works and had a sudden epiphany, realizing he wasn't as funny as he used to be."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I know. Sad, huh?"

Fox felt disgusted, betrayed, horrified that a 20 year old college student could be swayed by a young writer so easily. Granted, the writer was rather brilliant and had a very refreshing portrayal of Marth in a story about his arrival at the Smash Manor, and also the author thought that the idea of Mario being a conceited little douche who pretty much basks in his own glory most of the time was a smart move, considering it adds depth to the plot and creates a twist people generally don't anticipate, but it did not matter to Fox! What did matter was that it made no sense that anybody could be so easily spited…And then Fox read the stories…And agreed with Link that Mario's just crying 'cause he lost…Ass…

While everybody was busy being distracted by the situation, Captain Falcon snuck behind the second hooded figure, and we _all _know who _that _is, to give him a well deserved-

"FALCON PUNCH!"

The hooded figure flew across the room, moaning in pain. He slowly crawled up and revealed himself to be Snake. "Ugh…God that hurts!"

"You know what else hurts?" Captain Falcon gave an epic pose, preparing himself to say the line that would appear on the posters if this story were turned into a movie. "It's not the characters that feel the pain, but the writer who commits the act of endorsing pain out of resentment for others…"

"…Was that supposed to be deep and thought provoking?"

"Not really, I just noticed the spotlight was on me," he scratched the back of his head, feeling slightly embarrassed, "and it was rolling around in my mind for quite a while…I thought it'd be cool…"

Snake rubbed the back of his head and jumped up. "Well done, it seems you've caught us, and for that I applaud you!" He glanced over at Sonic, who seemed bored of the whole entire situation. "Ahem!" The blue hedgehog looked up and shook his head until the frustrated Snake pulled out a 20 dollar bill and handed it to him. Suddenly Sonic seemed more interested in the fact they were about to get their asses kicked by not only the heroes of the story, but a very irritated author who wasn't what would be defined as happy about Sonic explaining the origin of the story itself.

"So Snake, why did you do it?" Fox asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you guys running around stealing things from us?"

Snake and Sonic looked at each other in a confused manner before giving off a modest shrug. "Huh?"

"You know what we're talking about!"

"We didn't steal anything…"

"Oh yeah, than where's Captain Falcon's racing vehicle which has a name but the author is too lazy to Google it?"

Captain Falcon nodded before suddenly feeling a lump in his pocket. "Oh!" He reached his hands in and pulled out a pair of keys. "Nevermind guys, I found it!"

Fox threw his palm against his forehead. "Ugh…Okay than, why are you guys roaming around the mansion in the middle of the night?"

The two raised their hands-

"And don't give me any of that 'it was for Mario's surprise birthday party tomorrow' or anything similar because that's just demanding a punch in the face…"

"But I already got-

Shut up, Snake!"

"Alright fine," Sonic said as he stepped out to explain everything, but before he could make a move, Snake pulled out a small remote control and pressed a button. "**NOW!**"

There was a great explosion and Sonic was no more…That'll teach him to reveal personal information…Sucker… Of course, the others weren't exactly thrilled to see Snake with a remote control detonator.

"Now back off before I blow all of you up," he screamed as he shook the detonator in a threatening manner…As if he was actually a threat…

Fox scoffed and shrugged his shoulders with a sly look on his face. "Hmph, you won't do anything. You're done for!"

Zelda gently walked up to Fox and tapped him on the shoulder. "Umm Fox? Would you be willing to consider the fact that Snake has a bomb? I mean dude, I'm pretty sure he's not afraid to blow us up..."

Marth nodded. "Yeahhh…Umm Fox, may I remind you that Snake has an opportunity to deal a lot of damage to us?"

"Ha! He won't do a thing to us!"

"And what makes you say that?"

"Just watch…"

Snake, noticing that a group of characters from a dominating corporation just called his bluff, and feeling a sudden lack of manhood, knew that this was the perfect time to hearken back to his training from HQ.

"_Alright Snake, we've been given a lofty budget to make this whole entire scene exist, meaning we don't have a lot of time so you need to listen up, okay Snake?"_

"_Gotcha…"_

"_If you ever find yourself in a situation where your partner has betrayed you and you're surrounded by furries and a man who is most likely a flaming homosexual this is what you must do!"_

"_Gotcha…"_

"_Okay, first you must pull out your detonator and prepare a speech on how the graphics have improved on said detonator, and –uh, oh, gotta go!"_

"_What?"_

"_Don't blame me, blame the connection!"_

After realizing he was at a loss, he finally pressed the detonate button. _Click. _Nothing happened. He looked at the remote with a perplexed expression on his face. After tapping it against the palm of his hand, he pressed the button again, but was disappointed at the lack of explosion. "What the…"

"Ha! I knew it!"

"Huh?"

Everybody looked at Fox, who was about to make the biggest "screw you, Sony" speech ever to premier on a Super Smash Brothers Fan Fic. "I knew that if we were able to distract you long enough, you would get stuck in your own self absorbance and eventually the battery power on your remote detonator would run out!"

Snake's jaws slackened as he looked at the back of the remote, which showed a message that the battery needed to be charged. "…Oh wow, that was low…the joke, not the battery, but that would also work…" He than looked up at Fox. "Wow…I mean seriously, I really don't know how to react to this…"

Mario grinned. "Ha! Now that the battery on his remote controlling device is dead we can now show him who the _real _fighters are!"

And so they all glared down at the frightened Snake, preparing to give him the beating of a lifetime…Little did they know Sony threw in a lot of money to make Snake's character be _really _cheap, and considering a game like Brawl that's wayyyy too easy to exploit, there's no question as to how Snake was able to utterly destroy them all.

Of course, given the circumstances, Marth would have technically been able to go up against him, but no amount of sword dances could truly stand up to the power of two F-tilts, seriously that can literally deal up to 50% of damage…And also the smash attacks…_shudders…_Yeah…

So in the end, Snake took all of their belongings and took off in Captain Falcon's racing vehicle. Yes, the author is still too lazy to Google the damn thing because it's not like he'll get sued or anything…Wait a sec…Aww crap…

By the way, did anybody else notice that after about half way through the story everybody just _completely _forgot about Yoshi? Pretty weird, huh? Shows how much the author cared.

Author: I know it seems a little too random for my style, but I honestly wanted to calm down and try to unleash a more playful side of me. I am aware that my stories haven't been as funny as I'd like them to be, and I do hope that this story should be a message that I intend to improve myself. To the person who did inspire me (I have a personal policy in which I don't reveal the names of those I call out); I thank you greatly for the little wake up call. I really do appreciate it. As for everybody else, I hope you enjoyed this story and I appreciate all the support I've been given. Thank you! Until next time!


End file.
